24 Amusing Tweets That'll Impress Anyone Who Can Read

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  • 01
    Text - Вoog @BoogTweets Me: *Holding a fist full of lit sparklers* How much for the aggressive incense?
  • 02
    Text - Mother: can you please fix my computer Me: "leans back in chair* well... well... well... if it isn't Miss 'Get Off That Computer' Years 1994 to 2006
  • 03
    meme about Matthew McConaughey giving away turkeys as his character from the movie "Dazed and Confused"
  • 04
    Text - My goal weight is to simply not have to hand everything back to the dressing room attendant with shame & sadness across my face.
  • 05
    Text - Catherine Bramley @cathbramley99 absolute myth that us young folk are the ruder generation just offered a prehistoric dinosaur my seat and she replied 'i've got legs you know' haha you won't in a minute you old bat
  • 06
    Text - Chloe Sam @janet346789 Using train toilets gives me the fear, Banser King always think the door is gonna open slowly to reveal me like the prize in a 90s game show
  • 07
    Text - Arguing on the Internet has started to effect my daily life. At work one of the waitresses was a bit heavy handed with some plates, I told her to be careful & she said "I haven't broken any plates yet" to which I replied "well there was a time when Hitler hadn't killed any Jews"
  • 08
    Text - shut up, mike ginn @shutupmikeginn Gonna need you to finish your story real quick so i can tell you how the same thing happened to me, but its more interesting cause i'm in it 4:20 PM-10 Aug 2017
  • 09
    Text - Mrs. Math Teacher tro Wite @MrsMathTeachr Baby boomers blame millennials for everything BUT WHO PUT CARPET OVER ALL THESE HARDWOOD FLOORS PATRICIA
  • 10
    Text - a wab @iAwab kisses laptop webcam before bed* goodnight mr fbi man
  • 11
    meme about googling how to delete other people's tweet after reading tweet about Tarzan sleeping with gorillas
  • 12
    picture of black bear who has adopted black cat as its son and accepts it despite their differences
  • 13
    Text - "I'm not gonna get too crazy tonight" Also me: @dabmoms Myrna Tellingheusen @PearlsFromMyrna The outburst I had at JoAnn's Fabrics is not reflective of who l am.
  • 14
    Tweet warning from going inside abandoned building with the words "come see my cat" sprayed on its walls and reply from someone who wants to see the cat
  • 15
    Text - Shitty Watercolour @SWatercolour Aug 28 ti 2.1K 12K sorry to the snail i accidentally stepped on while walking home. your life was worth 10x more than mine yet i am the one still here
  • 16
    Text - Ope Midwest vs Everybody @midwestern_ope I'm freezing in this light jacket but my Midwestern ego will act tough in order to assert dominance over The Southerners 11/7/18, 7:11 PM 2,162 Retweets 15.9K Likes
  • 17
    Tweet about children's song "head, shoulders, knees and toast" sounding like "head, shoulders, need some toast"
  • 18
    Text - I pretend to like people everyday. It's called being an adult and THAT is why we are allowed to buy alcohol.
  • 19
    meme about reacting with exaggeration to technology after watching Black Mirror
  • 20
    tweet about being the level headed friend that brings down their crushes
  • 21
    tweet about Gotye's career matching the title of his song "somebody that I used to know"
  • 22
    tweet with picture of unrecognizable animal that is either cat or dog
  • 23
    meme about all your interactions with friends being about how tired and sleepy you are
  • 24
    Text - Derv @dearbhlaaa 64 you ever spend so long in bed you start feeling like the grandparents from charlie and the chocolate factory 29/12/2017, 9:07 am

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